Shove them up your ass for all I care

Oh.my.god!

I have not laughed this damn hard in ages. I love this cat… errr, squirrel… errr rat thingy. And ALL of what he says is sooo damn true. So true.

Foamy’s Rant

Link via Craig

NYC conference recommendations?

Odd question, but can anyone recommend a good hotel to hold a conference for 30+ people in NYC. I’ve been to a few conferences in NYC, but they’ve mostly been at the Microsoft office or the Chase building and not any hotels.

Much thanks if anyone out there can be of any help. 🙂

Santa’s not real?!

Have you ever been snookered into believing something only to be disappointed in finding out what you have been lead to believe was in fact a farce?

That was the topic of discussion on the radio yesterday. Now, depending on how you grew up there were the normal lies like Santa, the Tooth Fairy and of course the Easter Bunny that you were duped into believing. Most of us got the hint fairly quickly that they were lies, especially since we did not have a chimney when I was growing up. I’d doubt that Santa would pick the lock to our apartment to drop off his bounty of gifts. In the neighborhood we lived in, he’d have been shot on sight and fed to the Doberman across the hall from us if that were the case. Then we’d be branded as bad kids… Or worse yet, there’d be an evil Santa.

Anyhoo, there were quite a few things in my life which shocked me when I found out they factual.

I LOVED listening to the radio when I was a kid. It was mostly Latin music of course since I couldn’t speak a drop of English before the age of 3-4. However, up until about I was 5 or so, I had always thought that the band were playing live on the radio stations. Then, while listening to some pop music on something like 95.5, my friend’s dad switched stations and I also heard it on another station as well. Perplexed, I asked his dad how the bands could be playing the same song within such a close amount of time and in different areas. See, I knew radio stations were in different areas of the world, but that’s as far as my Sesame Street knowledge took me back then.

He looked at me like I had seven heads and started chuckling to himself when he realized what I was asking him. Of course, he then explained to me how DJ’s played records on the air and all of that jazz and suddenly it all made sense. 😉

Another item of truthful disappointment for me was when I realized that the artists in music videos really weren’t playing their instruments or singing. I forgot which video I saw that made me realize this, but something tells’ me it’s one of them Flock of Seagulls videos. Most probably, “I Ran.”

*shudders*

However, I’d have to say that the most disappointing falsehood I thought was truth involves one of the biggest rock bands of the world and their most kick-ass album. I actually learned this while watching a VH1 special about the Ultimate Albums of all time a few weeks ago.

It turns out that Kiss’s Double Live album, which was actually one of the very first that I owned, was not completely live…

Yeap.

To this day, rampant controversy surrounds the Kiss Alive! recording with reports that a large portion of the record was recreated in the studio. The band finally comes clean in this episode of Ultimate Albums, admitting that portions of it were re-dubbed and re-mixed, to perfect its over the top live sound.

full story here

*sigh*

Bastards…

Do you have any?

What’s the code for broccoli?

I used to be a cashier at a PathMark by where I used to live back in high school. It wasn’t the most glamorous of jobs, but it put cash in my pocket and I was surrounded by good friends that I went to school with. The management always placed me and my two other friends on the same busy night because we were fast.

There were times when we’d walk in the door and there would be utter chaos in there. Lines were backed up to the middle of aisles, cashiers would be out of change, stock boys were put out to help bag and customers would be pissed off at all hell because they have to wait a good 30-45 minutes to get out of the damned store. Then we’d hit the large order lanes (the ones where you bag your own orders) with our shiny blue smocks and bring down lines faster than the little old ladies could write out a check. It was a good thing and it always made the managers happy when they saw us three walk into that door. They knew that within a half hour, we’d have the lines brought down to the level where we’d be playing paper towel football in between checking out customers.

Of course, quickly bringing down lines usually meant we’d be scanning orders so quickly that they’d pile up very quick in the bagging area. Most of the people that knew us in the store, knew to put their groceries on the belt and get to their bagging positions quickly or else their groceries would be squashed and hard to bag otherwise. Most of the time, the managers would bring out a couple of baggers to each of our stations just to keep up with us… It was damned disgusting I tell you.

The secret of course was easy, we knew our fruits and veggies inside and out…

Any schmoe can scan bottles and boxes rather quickly, but a fast schmoe would know what the code for a kumquat is without checking out that stupid book. Vidalia onions, red onions, Spanish onions, different colored peppers, star fruits, plantains… Nothing would get past us. If something stumped us, we’d ring them up as the cheapest thing we knew of to make the customer happy. If you’re paying 14 cents for a 2 pound bag of saffron, you’d be one happy mofo too.

Of course, if you happen to be in a situation like I was today, this knowledge would also be most helpful.

Here I am at the local SuperFresh with a cart full of goodies and I have a speed freak much like my younger self at the register. She starts scanning like a fiend… Groceries flying behind her with the skill of a skeeball shooter hell bent on getting that big ass Kermit. Of course, I realized how crappy of a situation I put myself into because I had to bag all of that stuff quickly, so that the lady behind me wouldn’t get pissed off at my now slower bagging skillz. I started throwing the fruits and veggies onto the belt and saw the look of frustration in my cashier’s eyes. I emptied my cart throwing on fruits and veggies on the belt in key areas to allow me to bag my stuff before she finished scanning. The poor lass slowed to a crawl once she had to bust out the produce book and look up the asparagus and the other aisle 1 goodies. In no time, I had all of my stuff bagged and waited on her for my eggs to float down the belt to bag last. 🙂

Go forth and shop now without worry young grasshopper…