Be a hit at your next party!

For those of you looking to make a great impression at your next Christmas party, I bring to you this recipe Devina found and shared with me. It was such a hit, that I decided to share it with you. Enjoy. 😉

Ingredients:

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 bottle Vodka
2 cups of dried fruit
Lemon juice
Nuts

  1. Sample the vodka to check quality.
  2. Take a large bowl,check the vodka again.
  3. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
  4. Repeat.
  5. Turn on the electric mixer.
  6. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
  7. Add one teaspoon of sugar.
  8. Beat again.
  9. At this point it’s best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.
  10. Try another cup… just in case
  11. Turn off the mixerer.
  12. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
  13. Pick fruit off floor.
  14. Mix on the turner.
  15. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
  16. Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
  17. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a shit.
  18. Check the vodka.
  19. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
  20. Add one table.
  21. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
  22. Greash the oven.
  23. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
  24. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
  25. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.

CHERRY MISTMAS

Sex is good

  1. Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is sexually active or not?
  2. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
  3. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
  4. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
  5. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It’s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don’t need special sneakers!
  6. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
  7. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
  8. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
  9. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
  10. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
  11. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Thanks for the e-mail Lyns… 🙂

A turkey day poem for you

Happy Thanksgiving all!

Twas the night before Thanksgiving and in my sleep.
Strange dreams in my mind, began to creep

Thanksgiving leftovers beckoned — The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation……
The thought of a snack became infatuation…..

So to the kitchen I did race, Flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground!

I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky….
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie,
But I managed to yell as I soared past the trees.

HAPPY EATING TO ALL!
PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE!

– author not known

A true poopie head

Now this is a dumb kid.