While I realize it’s actually pretty silly to apologize since this is my journal and I can update it as I please, I still feel pretty odd and bad that I have not really updated in such a long time. Especially, when I want to start using this as an outlet for things I am feeling and I keep on finding excuses for not doing it.
Well, this is a new year and I did make myself some promises and fucking A I need to start adhering to this one in particular. I’m pretty tired of always bottling shit up and then just letting it fizzle to nothing only to come back and haunt me at a later time. So I told myself that I would use my LJ in a much more therapeutic way by writing a lot more about my feelings and such. As you have probably figured, I’m not the greatest at getting my feelings out there and that’s mostly because that’s just the way I was brought up. Then again, I’d venture to guess that this is something a lot of guys go through in their lives and they just deal with it in their own way.
So anyway, Devina and I have been spending a lot of time together for a bit of time now. A lot… To make matters worse, we still get along fabulously. Honestly, we get along better now than we have ever and I am not sure where this is leading to. We’ve had a few chats as of late about getting back together (I know of one friend who just cringed in her seat when she read that last bit) and I am not sure where that is leading. We talked about why the relationship failed miserably and how things *can* be better if we take a stab at things again down the line. She feels the same way and we both came to a conclusion that if we think we can try to make things work again, that we will need to see some sort of counselor. We both figured that an outside source of objectivity will help us to realize if perhaps we can get back together or if it’s just best that we remain friends. I’m just so not sure and I really dislike being this way… I’m way too freaking analytical and logical to be in this state of confusion and it’s really affecting other aspects of my life. However, the bond between the both of us is disturbingly strong… I mean a lot of times it really does feel like we were both made from the same mold or something. It’s that scary!
Anyhow, I’ve been using all of my spare time to just not think about things and hitting the gym or going out for walks or wasting more time playing World of Warcraft. Then after talking with a friend about this stuff, we figured I just need to get out there more and date some more. Shit, it’s almost 1am. Need to hit the hay.