Through the looking glass

While I realize it’s actually pretty silly to apologize since this is my journal and I can update it as I please, I still feel pretty odd and bad that I have not really updated in such a long time. Especially, when I want to start using this as an outlet for things I am feeling and I keep on finding excuses for not doing it.

Well, this is a new year and I did make myself some promises and fucking A I need to start adhering to this one in particular. I’m pretty tired of always bottling shit up and then just letting it fizzle to nothing only to come back and haunt me at a later time. So I told myself that I would use my LJ in a much more therapeutic way by writing a lot more about my feelings and such. As you have probably figured, I’m not the greatest at getting my feelings out there and that’s mostly because that’s just the way I was brought up. Then again, I’d venture to guess that this is something a lot of guys go through in their lives and they just deal with it in their own way.

So anyway, Devina and I have been spending a lot of time together for a bit of time now. A lot… To make matters worse, we still get along fabulously. Honestly, we get along better now than we have ever and I am not sure where this is leading to. We’ve had a few chats as of late about getting back together (I know of one friend who just cringed in her seat when she read that last bit) and I am not sure where that is leading. We talked about why the relationship failed miserably and how things *can* be better if we take a stab at things again down the line. She feels the same way and we both came to a conclusion that if we think we can try to make things work again, that we will need to see some sort of counselor. We both figured that an outside source of objectivity will help us to realize if perhaps we can get back together or if it’s just best that we remain friends. I’m just so not sure and I really dislike being this way… I’m way too freaking analytical and logical to be in this state of confusion and it’s really affecting other aspects of my life. However, the bond between the both of us is disturbingly strong… I mean a lot of times it really does feel like we were both made from the same mold or something. It’s that scary!

Anyhow, I’ve been using all of my spare time to just not think about things and hitting the gym or going out for walks or wasting more time playing World of Warcraft. Then after talking with a friend about this stuff, we figured I just need to get out there more and date some more. Shit, it’s almost 1am. Need to hit the hay.

15 replies on “Through the looking glass”

Matters of the heart are such a bitch, aren’t they? It’s like once you start having feelings, they just invade every brain cell and all you can think about is what if this and what if that. I don’t know if you’ve seen my latest entries, but I’ve been struggling with my feelings, not with an ex, but with someone I can’t be with. It’s driving me crazy. I decided just today that my problem is I’m not getting out enough. I think it’s a good idea for you to go out with other people. If you are not completely focused on your ex, you may be able to think more clearly about your feelings. Maybe it will be easier to tell if you do indeed have romantic feelings for her again or if it’s just that you miss female companionship. Ya know what I mean?

I think it’s also great that you’re using LJ as an outlet. I know I greatly appreciate the insight I receive from my friend’s comments. In a way, LJ is my therapist.

…oh, and it sounds as though you are taking the time to think this whole situation through… and not just rushing into anything. That’s definitely a good thing. Whatever happens with this, I hope you end up happy… 🙂

I won’t post anything here because I know that you’ve been wanting to call me, so I’ll save any discussion for that. Just wanted to let you know that I did read this, in case it’s something you wanted to mention to me <3

Yeah, they do suck something major. 🙁

However, I believe you are most definitely right. Sadly, I haven’t been able to read up on most of my friend’s list entries, but I’ve got all weekend to finally catch up to see how everything is going with my LJ friend’s lives! 🙂 It’s good to hear that you are coming to that realization as well with this person and the situation. Hopefully all will come out for the better after some time away I would guess for the both of us. 🙂

Thanks a lot sweetie! <3! 🙂

We’ll talk very very very soon once things calm down and I have some time to spend some QT with ya on zee telephone. 🙂 Miss ya!

I read your entry and my first thought was it was best for you 2 to stay close friends. I don’t know her at all and only know you by your posts but if I was going on situations in my past and my experiences, that is the advice I’d give you.

My ex and I broke up in March of 2003 and have remained very close. There have been many times since then when I wondered why we really broke up and wondered if we should have just stayed together or somehow could get back together. We both went back and forth with that. I was with someone else (who is now my husband) and he was with someone else who he isn’t with anymore. So I know that there are people who you can get along with wonderfully and seem almost like soul mates but it doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together romantically. I wouldn’t trade my husband for anything in the world.

Also, if you have to go into counseling just to get back together with this person then you might need to rethink it. Counseling is usually something that is done as a last resort before people go their separate ways.

Just my opinion…

Glad to see you back!

Ah, well, you know what me and my ex went through….

but still, you have to do what feels right for you. If it’s the wrong decision, there’s still a reason.

But I would trust your instincts. And I’m glad you’re using LJ as an oulet, too, because sometimes writing makes things more clear. It always does for me anyway.

*hugs*

Ugh dating sucks. That’s why it’s so damned easy to fall back into the old bed of the ex, which inevitably leads to more heartache and disastrous consequences. There is still excitement, but that higher level of comfort and understanding (which is pretty much unatainable when screwing someone new) is the main appeal.

But don’t go there…instead, think of all the tantalizing fun and excitement you get with someone new. That’s the sweet part of dating — the element of surprise.

Link, please.

Sometimes, I wish for just a moment I was single.
And you were in Washington.

Oh well.

Yeah… Regardless of anything, both her and I will stay as close as friends as possible. Though I doubt I will get as close with her friendship-wise as I am with a couple of other people in my life, I have a feeling we will still remain in each other’s lives until we pretty much pass on.

With regards to the counseling, I’d take it as more of an impartial judge really. If they say with some work all will be good or there’s no hope for a romantic relationship, stay friends it’s at least someone who’s completely impartial to everything. 🙂 Thanks for the helpful words though! Way appreciated! 😀

Yeah… It’s hard to listen to your gut when other parts are telling you otherwise, but I have learned to always trust my gut before anything else and it’s done me pretty good so far. 🙂

be careful with the ex, that’s all i wanna say. i think it’s great that you guys are still connected tho! i don’t think i am good at giving advice in some situations…
your bio sounds good, i don’t think it sucks at all. i think it’s deep, which i don’t have anything at all against. good luck.

both people have to pay to crrespond through yahoo, so if you like someone send them your contact info.

Good luck – don’t put the “s” back in ex!

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