Do I look fat?

Several years ago, one of my exes asked me one of a small number questions every man despises coming out of a woman’s mouth.

“Do I look fat in this?”

See, her first mistake in asking me that was that she knows I do not lie to significant others and friends, regardless of the situation or the outcome. It’s a trait of mine that all of my friends have come to expect of me and respect me for. So, instead of telling her she looked like a sausage busting out of it’s casing in a particular dress she was wearing, I simply told her she should wear something else because it was not flattering to her figure. She huffed and puffed angrily around and kept on the dress and we left for a party at a club in the city. While at the party, she did notice everyone looking at her oddly, but no one said a thing. The next day a few of her close friends called to asked her why she wore that and pretty much flat out told her she looked pretty bad in it. Later on in the week, she came to me to apologize for not believing me when I told her what I did about the dress. I mean she did not look terrible in the dress, it’s just depending on one’s figure, there are certain things that are very hard to pull off. Now being of the Latino ethnicity, I prefer my ladies with a bit of meat on their bones. So, a skin-tight full-length dress may not be the greatest thing to wear but perhaps something a wee bit looser, yet showing off the lovely curves, would have been a wiser choice.

So from that point on, she knew I would always tell her the truth, even though she may not like the answer. While I recognize most people need a little ego stroking to make themselves feel better, I have always believed that lying to stroke an ego is always a bad thing in the end. If I had said she looked fabulous in that dress I would have never heard the end of it the next day and she would not have trusted my honest opinion of something again.

Anyway, that’s just a back story.

Yesterday I was listening to the radio and this topic came up on the morning show I listen to sometimes. The woman DJ was saying how she was upset at the male DJ for telling her she looked like she was gaining a little weight. It was nothing terrible, just a little weight gain in the booty which is *NEVER* a bad thing in my opinion (and the DJs agreed it was a very good thing), but she took offense to it. She pretty much stated that every single woman out there never wants to hear the truth and you should always say that they look fabulous regardless so that they get their egos boosted. Thankfully a lot of women went against what she said and told her all that action does is encourage lying in a relationship. Now, of course one should exercise extreme tact when a situation like this arises, but I’ve always felt you should be truthful in these matters. I mean would you rather hear you may not look your absolute best from the one who loves you deeply no matter how you look or some complete stranger?

So, since my friends list is like 95% predominantly female, I pose these simple questions to you. When it comes to a question such as this or any other one. Would you rather hear the truth (in a very tactful manner of course) or would you rather be lied to or are you confident in yourself to know never to ask that question to begin with? Why or why not? If you would rather be lied to, then why would you expect your mate to always be honest with you when you encourage them to lie in the first place?

30 replies on “Do I look fat?”

i would never ask the question because i am confident that i know better than anyone else when i look gross and when i don’t. i can’t take criticism well nor can i take a compliment so i suppose it balances out. i get offended when people ask me if i have lost weight because i think that means that i weighed 4000lbs before but i have a distorted body image and freak out about strange things…

the truth..i just got my hair done and i asked my husband if it looked bad (cause i thought the color looked weird) and he told me he didnt like it at all..i love when guys are honest about things like that

I’m confident in how I look – meaning I’m very sure that I need to lose weight lol

I wouldn’t ask something I already know the answer to.

My boyfriend is too sweet to tell me anything other than, “You’re beautiful, honey.” 😀

I want to hear the truth EVERYTIME period. I hate it when people change what they feel for someone else. And my mom always taught me to never ask a question you did not want to know the answer to.

but, i dont think hubby is honest when i ask him if i look fat. he always tells me no..although i know i gained a few lbs.

I know for a fact that John would say that I look beautiful in anything. That’s just the way he is, and I don’t think that he would be lying. In his eyes, I’m sure I am the shit…BUT that doesn’t mean that in reality, I may look like a freak. SO, I do not ask him…I ask my sister. She would tell me in a minute if I looked horrible!

I would love it if he would be able to tell me if something did not look right on me. Would save me a trip to my sister’s!

My mom used to ask me if she looked fat all the time, I would say ‘Yes’, and she would get all pissed off. Finally, she stopped asking me, and would only ask my sister, who didn’t want to lie to her!
I had this one b/f who was really honest about it. I remember I had on this little skirt, not too long after I had my baby, and I asked him the dreaded question, and he said yes! I was mad, but I knew I was fat, I had a fucking mirror. Of course, I didn’t wear it! Now I appreciate the honesty…
My current b/f, I’ll give him a choice. I’ll try on like two, three different outfits, and ask him which one looks better. He doesn’t even like to answer that shit! He’s like ‘Wear whatever you want’, and I’m like, okay, I just want a man’s HONEST opinion, you know. He just wants me all covered up, and shit. At those times, I wish I had that other b/f that actually told me the truth (now that I can handle it w/out getting angry)!

Oh that’s totally cool that you even go out as to pick out different outfits! See, when my last ex picked out something I knew she couldn’t pull off, I’d walk around more with her to pick out stuff that she’ll look totally hot in. Sometimes, having more options is a better thing when it comes to this type of stuff.

Very smart of you! Yea, my man just doesn’t want me to look ‘hot’, so his opinion is usually shit to me anyway! haha

Tell me the truth… but I wouldn’t even ask. I can look in the mirror and see how I look.

I want the truth.
Just gotta make sure I can handle the truth before asking the question.
I never ask, “Do I look fat in this?”
I usually go with, “I hate the way I look in this.”
Then my boyfriend usually disagrees with me.
There have been times that we’ve argued just because I know I look like shit in the outfit, but he says otherwise.
And I know I’m right!
So yeah, total honesty or just totally agree with me!
LOL

I would prefer to be told the truth. Sure, it may not be what I want to hear, and it may hurt like hell at the answer, but if I didn’t want the truth, I shouldn’t have asked in the first place.

The truth. But my eyes work just fine – I don’t need someone else to tell me when something looks aweful (just when I have something in my teeth).

Well, not every time. Only when I can’t make up my mind about a particular look. For the most part, I’m pretty confident about my appearance.

I’m kind of giggling over here because the undercurrent from some of the answers received is “I don’t need someones opinion because I KNOW what I look like,” and yeah, okay sure you KNOW what you look like and yes, you can make your own decisions, but on the same token these are probably the same thoughts running through the women I heckle at the clubs/bars/shopping malls who look absolutely ridiculous. LIke WHO THE HELL LET THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE LOOKING LIKE THAT? Fat, thick, skinny, whatever: some women just shouldn’t be wearing some certain cuts of clothes.

I call the “does this make me look fat” question the woman trap question, as in the guys are given a question that has no right answer. If you say “No,” then they will continue to wear the atrocious outfit and if you say “Yes,” you’re doomed anyway.

The answer to this question is: There is no right answer. Women are competitive with each other (and if someone says in reply to this, “Oh no I’m not,” they’re lying) and mens perception of what looks good is different. There are guy who don’t want their women wearing anything but sacks and others who want tits and ass hanging out. So it’s hard to find the balance. I’ve seen women tell their friends they look wonderful when in reality their friend looks like crap because when going out, someone wants more attention.

Personally, I offer up the compliments or the criticism without friends asking. I’ve been known to tell my friends if they INDEED look like shit or if they do INDEED look beautiful. I also try to steer friends of mine from buying cuts or styles that are wholly unflattering to them. No matter what their size, any woman can look beautiful as long as they have confidence in themselves.

I want to be told the truth. I don’t want anyone to beat around the bush with me. Tell me I look like shit or tell me I can go out in public without looking like a fool 😀

Would you rather hear the truth (in a very tactful manner of course) or would you rather be lied to or are you confident in yourself to know never to ask that question to begin with? Why or why not? If you would rather be lied to, then why would you expect your mate to always be honest with you when you encourage them to lie in the first place?

The truth. Everytime.

Here’s why. I am very direct. If I want to hear “You look beautiful in that dress” I will ask for that. I am specific. Most women aren’t. I really just want to know the truth because otherwise I wouldn’t ask.

Seriously. Women need not be afraid to ask for what they want.

I’ve never been one to ask that question of any of my boyfriends (or family, for that matter) because, well, I decided to wear what I decided to wear and I’m not one to wear anything that I feel so self-conscious in. I’m not out to impress anyone and I rarely (if ever) wear anything that is such a drastic change for my usual “comfort zone” clothes that I feel like double checking. If I do, however, I’ll ask something like “does this look silly on me?” or “do I look okay?”. I’m not looking for praise but instead looking for things like showing too much skin (which Jonathan and my family knows is not my thing) or if I have a huge chunk of hair sticking up, etc. I’d never ask if I look bad or if I look fat, etc. because I’m well enough in tune with myself to know “Hey, this feels a bit too tight” and that is enough to make me change into something else. Nothing I ask would result in a self-esteem crushing answer.

I agree. I was trying on clothes at work today and I asked the girls what they thought. Mixed reactions. I asked if it was worth buying for work (they all have different tastes and styles) and if they answered yes it was a go. I also generally ask if it’s “me” and I usually get truthful answers and people can say no without me being offended…with my man, he’ll tell me the truth. I may not like it but we’ve been together 6 years so I deal with it.

If you don’t want to know, don’t ask.

it’s awful. it shouldn’t bother me but it does. i’m a girl and we freak out about everything though. what’s your excuse 😉

I don’t ask this question because I know that if I don’t like the answer I will get all butthurt about it, lol.

So if I’m in doubt, I just don’t wear it.

Also, Vinny likes the fatness, so… he might think I look good, and I’m convinced I look atrocious.

He has me walking around in booty shorts he begged me to wear in Vegas one day and I honestly felt like crying cause I thought I looked so fat… we got back to the hotel and he was like… did you see all the guys drooling?! I was like, NO!!! I’ve never felt so insecure in my life cause I thought everyone was looking at my cellulite in disgust!!!!

So… I don’t trust his opinion cause I really did look fat in those shorts :p

He likes fatty bits. Especially fatty booty and thigh bits that make me cringe, lol.

Anyway, I really just don’t ask… cause either I’ll think his opinion is bunk or he’s lying… or if he tells me I DO look fat, I’ll get all butt hurt about it…. even though I asked him and I know how unfair that is, I can’t help it, lol. I’m a woman!

Back in the days when i was married.. i never just put one thing on and said “do i look fat in this”.

So normally i’ll have 5-6 things picked out and i’ll just ask which looks better.

I prefer the truth.. THAT way. lol

*lol* I think if you ask a question, regardless of it’s nature, especially to someone who loves you, you need to be prepared for the answer. I think women ask that question (although to be fair, I have been asked that same question more often by my boyfriends, than I ever asked them) because they are fishing for a compliment – and in that case, you should just come out and admit that’s what you want.

I want honesty. Plain and simple. I may get a little upset, or a little hurt, but I’ll get over it. It’s nothing like the knowledge that I’ve been lied to – regardless of the intentions. My ex and I disaggreed on that. He felt like you shouldn’t talk about stuff like that because it just made the other person feel bad. For example, right before we broke up, I told him that the way he kept the house bothered me. He dramatically said that now that he knew that, he would never feel comfortable living in the same place as me ever again. So much for dealing with reality.

You know when it takes me a couple of days to reply to a post that I had to do some serious thinking. Mostly if I really have to ask I might say something like, “Does this look okay?”

But it’s been so long since I actually got ready to go out while someone was there to ask I’m not sure. My ex-husband forbid me to wear jeans – he said I looked fat in jeans. There was no style of jean, according to him that was flattering. He also wouldn’t go out places with me when I was wearing my hair up – he said it looked like I had a little head on a big body. e doubt I’ll trust anyone’s opinion but my mom’s for a while.

i want the truth. and i can handle it. and the funny thing is, i got all the way through college at 5’3″, 105 lbs.. then after having a baby i am now about 120 lbs. i of course think wow.. i’m not ‘skinny’ anymore.. how awful.. but in fact i have SOOO many guys tell me how much sexier i am.. they actually prefer the butt and the boobs. so i’ve come to realize that its not about weight, its about what looks attractive, and how you carry yourself. my hubby always tells me i look great.. not very helpful, tho nice. my boyfriend and his best friend are brutally honest, which is much more helpful when getting dressed to go out. so i ask them.

in my opinion, if you cant handle the answer of ‘yes, that outfit is not attractive on you’, then you shouldnt ask the question.

“so i’ve come to realize that its not about weight, its about what looks attractive, and how you carry yourself.”

That right there is the KEY! I know women that most would consider large who are always in the company of men simply because they give off that aura of confidence and sexiness and it’s huge turn on. Yet, I have friends who are the picture of fitness and have the hardest time meeting new men because of the way they act and carry themselves…

It’s really all about the attitude a good deal of the time. If you can’t carry yourself in the right light, regardless of your weight or looks, it’s pretty much over for everyone. Both men and women included.

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