Friends first is the way for me

It’s pretty amazing how a breakup can once again draw two people closer as friends. No, the ex and I have not gotten back together, but we’re definitely much better friends after the split a couple of weeks ago. We’ve actually still been living together for the past couple of weeks since it’s been tough coordinating a move out on my part the last couple of weeks. The first opportunity was blown because it was so damn cold out and there was that nasty little snow storm to put a damper on things. Last weekend, I had to work most of the time and it was also fairly chilly. This past weekend my dad needed his work van, so I was not able to move my things. Plus, my new roomie went to his mom’s to take care of some personal stuff. So, that leaves this weekend for yours truly to schlep some furniture over to his new pad.

Either way, my staying here for a bit of time doesn’t bother the ex in the least bit. I think she’s actually taking advantage of me being here so that I could help her assemble all of the new furniture she bought. Hmmph, go figure! The friends that have been over to visit have all commented about how weird it is that we still get along pretty well even though we’re just roomies now. Eh well, to me it’s nothing new because I’m still very good and close friends with most of my exes. My guess is that I never date anyone unless I’m good close friends first which to me kind of establishes the intimacy of the relationship at the beginning. Granted it’s a fairly tricky first couple of steps transitioning from friends to mates, I think it’s worth it in the long run because of the amicable break ups and continued friendships. At least in my personal experiences.

A few older friends of mine heard about my breakup through the grapevine and they’re starting to show their faces again. I think a couple of them want to escalate the friendships to something a little more meaningful, but I’m putting the kibosh on those advances. I’ve been in too many dang long relationships for a large chunk of my life and I really need a few more years just to myself. Let’s see, my first real relationship was close to 4 years, the second was the freak relationship which only lasted a year (but oh lord was the sex the best in my life), the next one went a little under 4 and this one was getting close to 4 as well. Actually it would have been 4 this March. So yeah, roughly 13 years of relationships with very little time in between for “me time” kinda bogged down yours truly and he’s a little loopy from it all. Not that I regret all of that time I have spent in relationships. As a matter of fact, spending all of that time (both good and especially the bad) in relationships is the reason I am who I am today. Life is nothing more than a learning experience and having those close to my heart learning along with me is one of the greatest gifts ever.

I’m not at all worried about finding someone in the future because well, I’ve never had any problems finding anyone in the first place. If anything, all of the women in my relationships have come to me and I pretty much just “stepped” into the boyfriend role. I also don’t hold the women I meet to unreasonable levels of compatibility. There’s no such thing as the perfect woman and there’s no such thing as a perfect man. We’re all fucked up in our own little ways and the trick is to just find the person who’s equally as imperfect as you are and it’s all good. It’s just like that saying, “Water seeks its own level.” I think the reason a lot of people have problems finding others for relationships is that they tend to expect too much of the people or they look for the even more ridiculous notion of a soul mate. Sure, it would be nice if they really existed outside of Disney cartoons and “The Princess Bride,” but in reality it’s mostly a load of bull poop. I think it’s more of a matter of levels of compatibility. As long as you find someone who you’re very compatible with, that’s all that really matters.

8 replies on “Friends first is the way for me”

More than anything I think it’s finding someone who’s flaws you can deal with.

It is very hard to find someone that you emotionally connect to. Time off from dating is a good thing and it allows you to be yourself. 🙂

Amen to breaks from relationships! I thought I was the only one who felt that way nowadays.

We’re all fucked up in our own little ways and the trick is to just find the person who’s equally as imperfect as you are and it’s all good.

LOL! You should write a relationship/psychology book telling it how it is. I don’t quite see Dr Phil putting it this way, but your honesty is refreshing. 😉

Actually, it’s not that odd – I have another LJ friend who split from his ex and is living with her. He says they get along much better that way, actually.

Wow! Yeah, I suppose if the basis of the relationship was based off a good friendship, things like this can happen without any major issues. =)

I really enjoyed reading this post.

Life is nothing more than a learning experience and having those close to my heart learning along with me is one of the greatest gifts ever.

No truer words have been spoken. Is truer a word? It makes me cringe, but anyway…

The older I get the less I believe in a ‘soulmate’. In a way it makes me relieved. To me ‘soulmate’ is synonomous with ‘perfection’ and as you said no one is perfect. Perfection would be boring.

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