Friends and lovers…

Are you still friends with your ex-boyfriends or girlfriends or do you think it’s wrong for that to happen?

I just had a conversation with a work friend of mine and she was literally appalled that I still talk to my ex-girlfriends and even hang out with them on occasion. She couldn’t believe I would “disrespect” Devina by talking to my ex g/f’s. She told me that I wasn’t a proper boyfriend and that she would dump me on my ass if I were her boyfriend for doing this stuff. When I asked her why she felt like this, she explained that it’s not right to talk to your past lovers and that once the relationship is over, the friendship that existed should as well.

I can understand not talking to your ex if perhaps they really fucked up your life by sleeping with your mom or giving you a disease or something heinous like that… However, if the breakup was a mutual thing or the offense that caused the breakup was a forgivable (after some time of course) one, then why would anyone consider this to be such a bad thing?

Steph and I didn’t have a bad breakup and as a matter of fact, I made sure that we stayed good friends the night that we ended our relationship.

When Ada and I broke up many moons ago, it was a pretty horrible breakup… As bad as breakups can get honestly. We didn’t talk for years (and we worked in the same place, so you know how uncomfortable it must have been for both of us) which bothered me because we were close friends since freshman year of high school. As time wore on and the hurt feelings mended themselves, we slowly became friends again and now we’re just as good of friends as we were back in high school. Hell, this Saturday I think we’re playing tennis and then she’s taking out Devina for drinks…

They are both in happy relationships as am I, yet according to my friend, I’m going to roast in hell for this. I just don’t get it…

9 replies on “Friends and lovers…”

  1. I’m friends with only one of my ex-boyfriends, and I really couldn’t imagine it any other way. The one I’m friends with was a high school boyfriend. He’s married now, with 2 kids, and his wife and I have been closer than he and I for about 12 years. The only way we were able to be friends was that he went to Europe for a few years after we broke up and we were able to strike up a friendship when he came back.

  2. That’s the biggest bunch of crap I’ve ever heard. I’m friends with a large portion of my former boyfriends. I got out drinking with some of them on a regular basis. Being able to remain friends with your ex’s shows that you aren’t immature.

  3. ADA IS YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND?! THATS IT YOUR ASS IS OUTTA HERE!

    Just kidding 🙂

    I only really had one bf before I met Dave and I dont think I’ll ever speak to him again. Can you say “restraining order?”

  4. I’ve only rarely been able to remain friends with someone I was dating after we broke up. Usually we ended up losing touch simply because we were in different social circles or distance was a factor.

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  6. Sounds like she has insecurity issues or maybe she has been burned before to be that adamant against somebody keeping in touch with their ex’s. Its one thing to have a personal opinion about it, its another thing to judge a person who does it without walking in their shoes first.

  7. I think it really depends on the situation surrounding the breakup, how the relationship was, where you are now, and whether or not you were the dumper or dumpee (gosh, those are horrible labels!). I know from my own experiences that it’s nearly impossible to remain friends with someone that I was absolutely infatuated with that dumped me for no reason as opposed to someone that treated me well and it just “didn’t work out” for either of us. Also, being in a better relationship helps. I wasn’t friends with most of my exes for the longest time because they were all jerks and abusive in one form or another and it just wasn’t something I wanted to put myself through, but after Joel died, I made amends with a few of the more…eh…humane ones? It’s not impossible. I think it’s good if it can be done without pissing off the current significant other..hehehe

  8. one of my ex b/f’s was and still is good friends with my current husband. Both the ex b/f and his current wife were in our wedding party. We are all great friends and I can’t imagine it any other way.

    This ex and I weren’t ever really close…it was always more of a friendship that we let go further than it should of.

    So I don’t see a problem with it at all. Especially if Devina is cool with it. That is all that really matters!

    a

  9. Whats the major reason a former girlfriend who chooses to hang out with you again for the first time in a year or so, since your breakup, conceals the fact they are currently seeing someone they work with (but I knew about it from a mutual friend, unbenowst to her) in my presence? This guy called her on the cell phone about 3 times in the space of 10 minutes at a dinner she was having with me and a few friends. She got a little aggrevated,and told everyone it was her “friend” from work. It wasn’t and I knew it wasn’t. About a month later, i questioned her about that and she told me that she kept it secret because she sayed the both of them were keeping their relationship a secret for a while, in the beginning. To me, it makes no sense because I dont anyone she knows, they dont know me, neither do any of my friends who were there that night, and she did this on 2 separate occasions since I met up with her (to now, its only been 2 times), and on both those occasions, this guy who called was a friend from work (same guy), who she then referred to me to him as “I’m out with an old friend”. Was she keeping her options open with me or something? No other reason to conceal in my opinion.

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