Four wheel drive my plump ass

You know, you’d figure that as the snow storms passed this winter, people would be a hell of a lot smarter driving on it. But… This is Jersey and there’s a ton of morons on the road at any given time regardless of the weather. The snow just tends to bring out the real prize winners here in the winter.

So, as I got off the unplowed Palisades Parkway to take my local roads to work, I ran into momo #1:

A small mini van that was trying to beat out the traffic light and slipped off the road into a ditch.

As I continued, on my ride I ran into momo’s #2, 3, 4 and 5:

These jackasses were in the middle of a rather steep hill trying to move forward, but slipping back as their cars failed to grip the road. Mind you, momo 3, 4 and 5 were various SUV’s and Mr. Deuce was a Jag-YEW-are S type that I think has 4 wheel drive (*chuckles*). Their incredible problem solving skills consisted of stopping, backing up, and then lurching forward at top speed only to have their wheels spin in place for 10-20 seconds. When the said procedure failed, they tried again and again… And again. I just stood at the bottom of the hill watching these idjits in utter amazement.

After a good 15 minutes of watching them, I figured I would finally show these numb nuts the proper way to attack a hill in the snow. I simply popped my lowly front 2WD Altima into 1st gear. Then, I slowly went up the hill without so much as spinning out and as I got closer and closer to the set of cars, they stopped dead in their tracks and stared at my car. As I kept on going past them, a complete look of disbelief appeared on their faces as I waved bye to them. Once I had enough loose snow to get better traction, I popped the car into 2nd and finally into Drive when I reached the top of the hill. Hooah! My sweet Tera came through for me… 🙂

I get to work and we all discuss our commuting tales and continue on this fine white day with business.

The story however does not end…

Allow me to introduce you to momo #6:

I have no clue why, but he thought that perhaps getting his wheel on the opposite curb would help him get traction. Not only is this person stuck, but 3 offices (including ours) can not leave and no one else can get into our areas as well. Anyone from our office that was stuck behind this dolt was sent back home and I am told it’s the same with the other offices. We’re hoping this will be fixed by 5 because if not, our asses are stuck here and the whole hilarity of the situation really dies down when you think about it…

I’m tempted to hunt me down some duct tape, coconuts, and a pez dispenser. I can probably McGuyver myself a bomb and blow that fucker out of the way… Whatcha think??

4 replies on “Four wheel drive my plump ass”

I told you to leave when you had the chance, now you get no roast pork for dinner.

Gnome: Theme music please… 😉 Just found myself a pez dispenser oddly enough… No coconuts though.

I think I can use a few used toners and the empty slim jim wrapper in it’s place. *scratches head*

Devina: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! For the love of humanity!!!

Bwahaha! Momo! ROTFL! I haven’t heard that term used since I was in high school. Thanks for the smile. 🙂 Sorry to hear that you had to deal with moronic drivers. I deal with the same thing. Maybe it’s just NJ, no wonder the insurance is so high. It’s just simply ridiculous. Some people should just stay home in times of bad weather.

Comments are closed.