A few Halloween tips

On my commute to work this morning, the radio show host I listen to most had a very humorous list of Halloween cliches. I’ve been looking all morning for it, but I can not seem to find a list like he was reading from. I was sure one of my friends would forward me a copy of it, alas, I have not received one. So, I have decided to start up a small one (with the help of Ada) and hopefully the rest of you will add to it. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it after reading the first few:

Horror movie survival tactics:

  1. Ladies, when checking for an odd noise in your house, please put something on other than a skimpy teddy. This seems to attract men with face masks or steel claws for fingers.
  2. When checking for that weird noise in your basement, use a flashlight. Candles will always go out in those pesky mysterious drafts that come up.
  3. If your house starts talking to you, leave immediately.
  4. If the toilets seem to overflow with black goop, leave immediately.
  5. If your kid disappears into the TV, leave immediately.
  6. A slowly walking villain will always catch up with you even if you are running at top speed. Find a car with a working battery and use that instead.
  7. Please watch your step when running away from harm. You will most likely trip and hurt your ankle at a most inopportune moment.
  8. If your friend starts looking deranged and looking like they are going to crack your skull open to suck the brains, run away as fast as you can.
  9. If you’re walking around in a forest with a group of friends looking for oh let’s say a mythical witch, make sure you have a cell phone or GPS unit handy in case you get lost.
  10. If you get a pet and along comes instructions not to wet it, feed it after midnight, or shine light on it.. return it immediately.
  11. Generally men in hockey, white or hooded masks are a very bad thing.
  12. If someone calls you up and thinks you are Sidney Prescott, leave the house immediately.

Feel free to add more. 🙂