Seven dirty words

Just got back from Herberts (our local pool hall) and did pretty well, my new pool cue is still making me play soooo much better. Beat Devina 5 games to zip! Muahahahahaha! Eh well, I’ll get my ass beat on one of these days.

So I’ve been meaning to put these two e-mails I have received up here but haven’t had the time, so here they are. Enjoy!

I got this doozy from Steph:

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating …and you finish off as an orgasm.”

This one is from Devina:

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. A hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, “Gosh, if I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.”

There was a fish in the water thinking, “Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches I can eat him.”

There was a bear on the shore thinking, “Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, that fish will jump for the fly and I will eat him.

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. “Gosh,” he thought, “If that fly goes down three inches and that fish leaps for it …that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I’ll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.”

(You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but, there was more.)

A wee mouse by the hunter’s foot was thinking, “Gosh, If that fly goes down three inches and that fish jumps for that fly and that bear grabs for that fish …that dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich.”

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, “Gosh… If that fly goes down three inches and that fish jumps for that fly and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich …then I can have mouse for lunch.”

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water. The fish swallows the fly …the bear grabs the fish …the hunter shoots the bear …the mouse grabs the sandwich …the cat jumps for the mouse …the mouse ducks …the cat falls into the water and drowns.

The moral of the story is: “Whenever a fly goes down three inches ….Some pussy is in danger.”

Hehe.. I liiiiiike that one… 😉

2 replies on “Seven dirty words”

Here’s an interesting bit of trivia. That bit about the life cycle being backwards is wrongly attributed here. It is not George Carlin at all who said that. It was delivered by a professional comedian named Sean Morey. Carlin is annoyed by this and many other commonly miscredited routines.

Oh wow… Thanks for the info. I wonder what other routines he’s been credited with that aren’t his.

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